we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The uberlube is also flammable
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
