If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
