Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
