she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Randomize