ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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