She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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