just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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