I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize