So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
