how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
