very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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