i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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