woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
