Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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