Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
