just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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