When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
