I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
