I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
