Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
