im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
