God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize