I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
