you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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