but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
