I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
