Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
