Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
