A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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