sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
