I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
