Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
