ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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