He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Let's paint friendship bongs
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
