she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
