what if every blade of grass was a penis?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
