youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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