Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
