I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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