i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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