pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
