How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
