wakey wakey hands off snakey
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
