Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
