You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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