Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize