i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I need a beard to bite.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
