bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
