So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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