I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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