I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
