i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize