when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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