another moral hangover. fuck.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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