I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
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