Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My life is pants optional.
Randomize