he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
