chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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