Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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