guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
