I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
