I wannas sexs uuuuu
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
