i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize