i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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