i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
