apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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