so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
