You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
